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 From the "Didja Know...?" Dept.

Trivia from a veritable cesspool of human knowledge

 

by Carlton Donaghe

Carltoon
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Didja know that, just like the printing press, the introduction of coffee changed the course of Western Civilization?
 
In Europe, in the Dark Ages, no one drank water.  Water was for peeing in.  If you lived in those days, all the water had poop in it anyway.  No wonder people didn’t take baths back then.  Bathe in that?!
 
Instead, everybody drank wine.  Everybody.  As soon as you were off mother’s milk, you drank wine.  And you drank it all day, everyday.
 
Well, imagine what life would have been like when everybody was stupid, no one took a bath, and you lived your life through a nice, wine-induced haze.  You know, if things don’t get done... it’s okay.  I’ll manage.  I got my wine.
 
And science or reading?  Hey, that’s for Galileo—and see where that got him.
 
But then, by the 17th and 18th Centuries, coffee was coming in from Turkey.
 
And people began to discover that—when you drank coffee—things got done!
 
No more of that hazy, mañana, mañana feeling of the good ol’ wine bottle, now it’s –I’m sorry I can’t talk now, there are things to do!
 
And in France, where the philosophes opened salons where the educated elite would meet to drink coffee, they started figuring things out!
 
There ain’t nothing in the world like coffee to clear a man’s head.
 
The next thing you know, we’ve got Voltaire, Locke, Hume, and all the other good coffee drinkers figuring men are individuals who have rights!
 
And THAT is how coffee changed the course of Western Civilization.
 
Coming Soon:
How astronomy and calculus led to the creation of the only government on Earth founded on reason, deliberation, and compromise—the United States of America!

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